I love onions
April 22, 2009 by Heather
Man Burning In Hell Wishes He Hadn’t Snickered At Religious Leaflet
AUGUST 16, 2000
LAKE OF FIRE, HELL–Eternally tormented soul Brent Woodson, who is currently being pressed between white-hot slabs of iron, expressed “profound regret” Monday that he had laughed at the Jack Chick anti-homosexuality tract Doom Town, handed to him by a street evangelist moments before he was fatally struck by a bus. “I guess I shouldn’t have cracked up at the cartoon drawing of gay guys as burly, hairy bikers with lipstick and pompadours,” said Woodson, his charred entrails spilling out onto the rocky floor of the Netherworld while barb-toothed demons gnawed at his extremities. “I’m not laughing now, that’s for sure. That Jack Chick guy is no kook.”
Source: The Onion
(Anybody who wants to red the Chick tract in question click here - but don’t bill me for the counselling you’ll need to undergo afterwards)
Posted in Me | Tagged Cartoons, Funny | 15 Comments
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They might as well have said that the Lord Jesus Christ shed his precious blood on the cross to wash away all sins…especially homosexuality. It might have been more accurate and really; to the point
Sign me up for the counselling now. That was crazy.
Eze 16:49 “ ‘Now this was the sin of your sister Sodom: She and her daughters were arrogant, overfed and unconcerned; they did not help the poor and needy.”
always found it interesting that the popular version of why sodom was destroyed is because of homosexuality. yet, when god gave the reasoning for it to ezekiel, homosexuality isn’t even mentioned. do people even read their bibles? its right here. the motive god gave for why he destroyed sodom.
would people have to do too much back peddling to acknowledge this? is some people’s bedrock of faith built on christianity being anti-homosexual? would it be crushing for them to find out that god didn’t destroy sodom because of gays? or would it be crushing for them to find out they’ve been lied to from the pulpit for so many years?
Ah, Chick tracts! What happy minutes I spent poring over them as a child, as the Devil and the Lord arm-wrestled for my soul. And which of us hasn’t read the classic “This Was Your Life”, picturing ourselves wilting before the judgment seat of that bizarrely faceless Christ?
And angels who did not keep their own domain, but abandoned their proper abode, He has kept in eternal bonds under darkness for the judgment of the great day, just as Sodom and Gomorrah and the cities around them, since they in the same way as these indulged in gross immorality and went after strange flesh, are exhibited as an example in undergoing the punishment of eternal fire. (Jude 6-7, NASB, emphasis mine)
I think it’s a combination of ignoring the passage in Ezekiel that Jon brought up, and a misinterpretation of the passage in Jude above, particularly the second emphasized bit. The “strange flesh” is a reference to the angels the citizens saw go into Lot’s house, that they asked to “have relations” with (see Genesis 19). The “gross immorality”, to me, is just a blanket cover for all the sins S&G had committed.
would it be crushing for them to find out that god didn’t destroy sodom because of gays? or would it be crushing for them to find out they’ve been lied to from the pulpit for so many years? (Jon)
Honestly? Both, I think. The former because they’ve had a homophobic or heterosexist mindset for so long; the latter because many are taught to trust their pastors, rather than be like the Boreans and search out truth via the scriptures for themselves.
The dude doing the “witnessing” looked like Clark Gable playing Rhett Butler.
LOL! Great post and great comments.
Oh, Onion, you make me cry with laughter
These comments were great. I could only look at that Chick tract for a few panels before I couldn’t look at it anymore
But I had to go looking for the faceless Christ after Mark mentioned it (http://www.chick.com/reading/tracts/0001/0001_01.asp) Wow – creepy!
Mike, I know! It’s like the sin of all sins. What happened to sins being equal? Greed and pride are fine in church – even encouraged – while homosexuality is still seen as so bad it’s a taboo subject unless it’s being preached against.
Sarah, I apologise and sincerely hope you recover
jON, I think if that particular scripture was preached it would tear some people apart. It’s especially scary that Ezekiel’s representation of Sodom could describe so much of the institutional church.
Mark R, I had the whole collection. I wish I’d kept them now – some of those originals are collectors items and are worth a mint on ebay! I still can’t believe I was even allowed to read them. My in-laws still have the Crusaders comics at their house and I sometimes read them when I visit for a little chuckle.
Fred, I love how you can tell the sinners vs the saints in Chick tracts just by their appearance. The saints always look like old-fashioned movie stars wearing appropriate clothing (including long skirts for women) and the sinners have teeth missing, tattoos or evil smiles.
Sue, agreed. The Onion is the best
I can’t believe you haven’t seen the faceless Christ before! You have obviously been far too sheltered.
No, no, no Shelley – strange flesh means gay people – you’ve obviously been out of institutional church too long!
you know, jude is a strange little letter. and i thank you for referencing it, shelly. (it contains the only metion of an angelic fight between michael and the devil over the body of moses.)
what you have quoted makes think about the oral tradition of the day and how it seems to have found it’s way into the writings. i first noticed it when i read the story of balaam in numbers. (num22-24) the picture that gets painted of balaam in 2Pe2:15 and Rev2:14 is so different from the picture i see in numbers. and even when the other prophets, people nearer balaam’s own time, reference him, we don’t see them taking quite the same tone or even mentioning the same circumstances that the NT authors do. (the prophets only mention that he tried to curse israel and god turned it into a blessing) it is almost as if balaam had become the proverbial hitler of the jewish NT era. the “go-to-evil-guy.” when you need an example of a religious person gone bad…
the first verse following chapter 24 in Numbers, 25:1, tells us matter of factly that while the Israelites were camped out, while Balaam was being asked to curse them and god kept blessing them, they started whoring around with moabite women. and perhaps it is because this fact is stated directly following the story of balaam that the association got made, i don’t know. nevertheless, the picture we see of balaam in the NT must have been part of an oral tradition about him. because the things he is accused of are not in the telling of the original story in the OT.
and i wonder, perhaps, if there is not an element of that going on in the jude passage you referenced. perhaps once jude was written it was already the popular assumption that Sodom was destroyed because of butt pounding. yet when god spoke for himself through ezekiel, he said nothing of the sort. he said it was because Sodom was like nearly every first world nation we have now.
Heather: I’m tattooed, I have an evil smile and I have gay friends. Maybe I should just book my seat in Heck now ;o)
Actually, I still attend a conventional church. I just do my best not to buy into all the rubbish they have to sell, if you know what I mean.
Just stumbled on this site…interesting post. I’ll be back to explore more thanks.
Following you on Twitter: I’m gardengirl07 on Twitter.
Urgh, forget the pompadors, those men were committing the crime of being sweaty. Did you see the sweat pouring off of that guy? ewwwww…..
And I must have missed the part about pedophilia in the scriptures….. that was just nasty. I had no idea so many clergymen lived in Sodom and Gomorrha….
I think I need to get counseling, and bathe, and get some medication, and counseling, and….
Concerning the passage in Jude, here’s a fun Koine fact: the word translated as “strange” in “strange flesh” is heteros.